Starting a New Life Alone

Newly divorced, separated or bereaved and starting your life again on your own can be overwhelming. All of the couple things that you used to take for granted, dining out, holidays, and always having a plus one may now have ended but that doesn’t mean that your life has.

Navigating through can certainly have its hard moments but there are ways that you can get through and come out much stronger.

Starting a new life alone…..daunting or fulfilling?

Starting a new life alone can be daunting because you may never have been alone. At first, it may seem exhilarating to have the freedom to do what you want, when you want but after a while fear or loneliness may begin to set in and then you can start to doubt your ability to cope on your own.

You can start to question who you are, what you want from life, what you can do, and what you should be doing…..the list of questions that you can ask yourself when self-doubt kicks in can be limitless.

You can have concerns about money, having to find a job, cope with a family on your own, have to negotiate meeting new friends and move to a new area, all whilst doubting your ability to get up and get dressed each morning.

There is also the emotional side of what is happening. Dealing with any loss whether through divorce or bereavement can be a traumatic experience.

You may feel that you have no one to turn to or that you have asked so many friends and family already that you don’t want to turn to them again. This can leave you feeling alone and scared.

The truth is being alone can be overwhelming whatever your circumstances, but even through all the fear, sadness and anxiety, something good can always come about. This is where you need to have faith in yourself and be strong. Have the conviction that you are going to get through this and that life is going to not only improve but that you are going to start living your new life empowered and in a way that is true to you.

What you need to start a new life

Kindness - You need to be kind to yourself. When your life turns upside down don’t start beating yourself up. Imagine how you would react if the situation was one that a friend was facing, how would you be, how would you act, what would you say?

Think about your reaction and apply it to yourself. You deserve kindness and understanding and you have to give it to yourself

Belief

You need to have belief in yourself, that you can face the future alone and that you will be able to cope with what comes along.

Think about the skills and talents that you have, think of all the things that you have done in the past, situations that you have faced, and obstacles that you have overcome, no matter how small they may seem to you, think of them as building blocks of power and imagine growing stronger because of them.

The power of self-belief can get you to where you want to be.

Step outside your comfort zone

This can be a hard one for many people as fear keeps us inside our comfort zones but that fear just holds us back.

Doing something that you fear can be the most empowering of feelings. Do something BIG, something that challenges you, something that you have always wanted to do.

This will pave the way to give you self-confidence and self-reliance. Start saying yes to life instead of making excuses,

Try something new

Whether it’s a new hobby, new job, voluntary work or studying, trying something new or something that you have always wanted to do will open up new opportunities and is a great way to meet people and kick-start your social life.

Adding something new into your life is a very powerful affirmation that you are moving forward, doing something that you have never done before and that has no associations with your past life.

Enjoy your own company

As we get older, there is something more and more appealing about spending time by ourselves. Enjoying your own company may take some getting used to if you have been part of a couple for a long time, but think of all the things that you like to do that maybe your partner didn’t, and start enjoying this time alone.

Spending quality time by yourself can be a real luxury, don’t think of it as a bad way to spend time, it is more of a way of celebrating yourself and what you like to do.

Don’t be persuaded by others to rush into something new

Although those around us often mean well, sometimes they can be overbearing, especially when it comes to advice-giving. Make sure that you take life at your own pace and don’t feel pressured to jump into new relationships and new commitments until you feel ready.

It may be that you discover you enjoy being on your own. Whatever you decide, make sure that it is set to your time frame, and not to make life easier for those around you.

Take time to adjust to your new life

For someone who has come out of a long-term relationship, or who has been bereaved after many years together, it takes time to adjust to your new life. There may be many adjustments to make, and space and time can be required to begin to sort out your mind and how you want to move forward.

Start making lists or keeping journals as to how you are feeling each day, and what you would like your future to look like. Planning before rushing into something can save a lot of stress and anxiety further down the line.

Focus on the positives

When something bad happens in life, it is all too easy to focus on the negatives and imagine that something good will never happen again.

At times like these, it is crucial to focus on the positives in your life, family, friends, health, financial situation, whatever it may be. It is also a good time to look for more positives that you can bring into your life, starting to eat healthier, taking up exercise, and taking care of yourself mentally and physically.

All of these actions can increase your emotional well-being. Keeping a gratitude journal can highlight all of the positives that you have in your life.

Make a to-do list each day

Settling into a new routine can be hard and sometimes, days can drift from one to the next.

Every day, make a to-do list to give you focus and purpose.

Procrastination can strike at times of emotional upheaval and just getting ready for the day can seem like an uphill struggle. Planning your day and writing it down brings a sense of purpose and crossing accomplishments off a list can boost self-esteem.

If you feel that you need extra help in making a fresh start in life then Coaching can be the way forward. Working with a trained professional can give you the accountability and drive needed to get your life moving again in the direction that you want to be going.

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