Feeling Lost in Your 40s
“Life really does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research”
Feeling lost in your forties….how to navigate mid-life and beyond.
We live in a society where we are led to believe that there are certain markers we should hit by a certain age; finishing school, college, getting your first job and meeting your life partner usually by your late 20s. Then marriage, family, buying a home, and career advancement by your late 30’s. Life up until this point is all mapped out.
We are programmed from an early age to follow this formula to bring us success and happiness, and to set us up for our later years, with a family we can rely on as we get older, financial security as we retire, and all the trappings of the world that we live in.
Most of us do follow this path at least in some way, but for many women, when they get to their forties they find themselves feeling lost and unsure as to where their life is heading.
Life is a journey so enjoy the ride. Sometimes it’s ok to take the wrong route, double back on yourself, or change destinations halfway through. It’s your journey so draw your own map and go your own way!
Many will feel that if they haven’t reached all of these “goals “ by a certain age, they are letting themselves or other people down. In some way, they have failed, but that’s not true and we shouldn’t judge ourselves by the expectations of others or society at large.
The problem with the model set by society as to where we should be at various stages of our lives is that no one ever really asks if this is what we want. Those expectations that are placed on our shoulders might not be what we want from life.
Therefore, by the time you reach 40, you may have spent years living a life that you don’t really want to be living, or you may be afraid to try new things because in some way it doesn't fit into the plan that you believe you should be following.
Life though is not set in stone, you are free at any time to change anything that you don’t like about your life, the only thing that usually holds people back is their fear of what other people may say or do. Life should be looked on though more as a learning curve, an experiment in living. You are free to try out new endeavours, the only thing that will ever hold you back is your mind and the thoughts that are contained within it.
Start making the change.
We don’t always get that “light bulb” moment when we know exactly what it is that we want to do.
Sometimes it is all about making smaller changes that will start to make an overall difference to how we are feeling.
Many find that making a major change straight away is far to big a step to make but even making small, gradual changes can add up to a huge change in your life over a period of time
Begin with what’s going on in your mind.
The expectations that we place on ourselves can have a damaging effect on our lives. All those things that we tell ourselves are what get us to the state of feeling lost and hopeless.
Lose all of the expectations of where you should be by the time you reach your forties. Stop listening to the voice inside your head that tells you what “success” is. Instead, start trusting your gut instinct and listen to your intuition and go with what your heart is telling you.
Success for one person can be a totally different reality from what another person believes, so stop measuring your life by everyone else’s and do what is right for you.
Career - often the biggest area people judge themselves. By the time you hit 40, you are supposed to have an amazing career aren’t you, bringing in a big salary and holding a position of real importance?
Money - another marker in life, by 40 you should have plenty of money, a big house, amazing holidays, everything that you want you should be able to buy.
Family- the other big expectation is that by this age you should have settled down, be married, and have a perfect family.
The reality is, very few people are living this life. For many, it’s all smoke and mirrors, the perfect lives that you see people living are not real.
How to start living your life the way you want to.
Create a life that you love. Take stock of what makes you happy and eradicate what makes you unhappy. Sometimes letting go of a lot of clutter in your life can help you to create a life that you love living. Are you happy with your job?
Where you live? How you spend your free time? Who you surround yourself with? Clearing out things that don’t serve you or that make you stressed or unhappy is a way to create a life that you love.
Be grateful for what you have. So many times, we look at what we don’t have in our lives and believe that it makes us unhappy, when really what we should be doing is looking at all that we have in our lives and being grateful for everything that we have. Expressing gratitude for all that you have in a way highlights all that you do have.
The more gratitude that you have in life, the more happiness you will discover as well. Gratitude produces a feeling of happiness and contentment helping you to have clarity in all that you have in life.
Be kind to yourself. If you are feeling lost at where you are in life, instead of beating yourself up treat yourself with real kindness. What has happened up to this point in your life can not be changed, moving forward is the only option that you ever have and that involves moving forward with kindness and compassion for yourself.
If you feel that you have made mistakes, let them go and move on. Think only in positive terms, and don’t dwell on what you believe to be errors of judgment, this thinking will never get you to a positive place.
Be ready to experiment. If you are feeling lost in your life, the chances are that you are pretty dissatisfied with what you have going on in your life. Therefore, it’s time to experiment and try something new.
Stepping outside of your comfort zone and trying something different or challenging could be just what you need and can set you up in a completely new direction.
Enjoy living in the moment. Many who feel lost at this point in their lives do so because of other people in it. Ageing relatives, children growing up and leaving home. These are circumstances that we have no control over, this passage of time will happen regardless. Instead of dwelling on any negative aspects of unavoidable change, try and see the positives.
Look to spending quality time with people as they get older, and think of all the joy that is to come from children growing up and living their own lives. Enjoy living in the moment with the people that you have in your life, and focus on the positive changes you can make in your own life as you begin to claim more time back for yourself
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