21 Effective Survival Techniques: How to Deal with Divorce as a Woman
What divorce does to a woman emotionally
There are many emotional traumas in life and along with bereavement, divorce is no doubt the biggest. Learning how to deal with divorce as a woman can be crucial to moving on with your life afterwards.
Nobody goes into a marriage expecting to get a divorce but unfortunately, it happens and it can be a very sad, stressful and difficult time for all involved in the separation.
Men and women will handle divorce differently, for women it can often be a far more visceral experience, deep feelings can come to the surface and they can experience a roller coaster of emotions, from anger and denial to guilt and sadness.
The emotional side of divorce can have a big impact on women's physical health as well, with diet, sleep, stress and substance abuse all causing health issues.
Having a support network of friends and family can be an enormous help both practically and emotionally and knowing what to expect and setting up ways to cope can aid in getting through this difficult period.
How do I start a fresh life after a divorce?
There are many emotional stages to divorce and you need to move through them in order to start life again. These emotions are often referred to as the five stages of grief, as people are grieving for something that they have lost. The stages are;
Denial- The person who didn’t initiate divorce proceedings can spend a large amount of time and emotion in the denial stage of grief. This can slow up the divorce proceedings which can cause further complications down the line.
Anger- This can be an emotion that both parties spend a lot of time experiencing. Once a person has moved from the denial stage, anger can overtake them, often after having been suppressed. Anger can bring about a hostile environment filled with rage and guilt, blame and vindictiveness. This is a difficult stage to go through and can hurt everyone.
Bargaining - A common stage to go through. This is where the parties will go back and forth on issues, feelings, questioning decisions and outcomes.
Depression - This can be a long and painful part of the divorce emotional roller coaster. It can lead to physical repercussions, people can be left feeling overwhelmed, defeated and debilitated by the whole process. Reality has often set in and there is often the experience of having hit rock bottom, and it’s a place where people really do rely on their support group.
Acceptance - The last stage, and usually the stage where people find that they are able to move on to the next phase of their life. It’s not to say that people won’t slip back into other stages of grief but there is more a sense of hope and optimism for the future, of being able to move on with their lives.
In order to start a fresh life after divorce, these stages need to be worked through. You have to accept all of the feelings and emotions that you are going to have. Pushing them to one side will only mean that they resurface at a later date.
Work through the emotions that you are experiencing and accept that it is going to take time to move through them. This is where working with a coach could be very beneficial for some people.
How do I accept being alone after divorce?
One of the hardest aspects of separating is facing up to the fact that you may be alone, sometimes after a long time of being in a partnership.
There can be many areas in life that need to be addressed when this happens. Things such as going out, holidaying, socialising and running a household can all be huge obstacles to climb.
Learning to accept being alone, can be a long and difficult process for some people to face but there are things that you can put into place to make this time of transition easier.
giving yourself time to dwell on your loss
stay active
aim to be comfortable spending time on your own
indulge in self-care
don’t beat yourself up for feeling sad
re-connect with pastimes you love doing
get out in nature and relax
re-connect with friends and family as much as possible
try new hobbies
don’t feel afraid to be alone
try to enjoy your own space and indulge in your own interests.
21 Effective Survival Techniques
1. Realise that it is okay to have a wide range of feelings
You are going to have a wide range of feelings when you separate with someone and it is perfectly ok to experience them all.
Along with negative feelings such as anger, betrayal, sadness, guilt and despair, you can also find that you are still feeling love and compassion and desire for the other person.
This is all a natural process and you have to let the emotions work through you. You will do more harm in the long run if you try to shut out any emotions. Working with a coach can be especially useful here to help you to make sense of the emotions that you are feeling.
2. Be easy on yourself
When you are feeling fragile you need to be as gentle with yourself as possible.
Try not to beat yourself up or say unkind things to yourself, lay the blame game to one side and be easy on yourself.
Life will get better, it will take some time and belief but it will happen and whilst you are moving through to a better day treat yourself with love and compassion.
3. Try to maintain a positive attitude
As tricky as this may sound, especially in the early days of separation, try to maintain a positive attitude.
Instead of blaming the other person and thinking negative thoughts towards them, try as much as possible to rise above this, no matter how hard it may seem.
The negative feelings that you have towards another person, will only ever hurt you. Instead, think of the positives that are in your life and focus solely on them. Try to find positivity everywhere you look and stay in that zone.
4. Find yourself a support group to help you go through it
One of the wonders of technology today is that there are so many support groups online to connect with that you need never be alone during a breakup. If you do not have a large support network of friends and family, then reach out to support groups for help and comfort. There you will find many other people in the same situation as you, ready to listen and share advice, comfort and friendship when you need it the most.
5. Take time out to exercise
No matter how negative you are feeling, something that will always help to make you feel better emotionally is exercise.
Whether it’s pounding it out in the gym, swimming or a walk in the countryside, doing something to raise your heartbeat and to get the feel-good hormones racing around your body will always help.
It aids in clearing your mind and can also help you to sleep better. It’s also a much better alternative to sitting around drinking or eating.
6. Consider taking up yoga to help your body and mind relax
Yoga is a wonderful way to relax your mind and to help your body. The breathing exercises in yoga can help to relax you and to eliminate stress from your life. It can also help you to concentrate and to stop racing thoughts.
If you find that you haven’t been sleeping well, yoga can aid in sleep and relaxation. It is a perfect exercise to really wallow in self-care. If you are new to exercise or suffer from any medical complaints, it is always wise to consult a medical professional before you embark on a new practice.
7. Avoid areas of conflict with your previous partner
Wherever possible, try to avoid any areas of conflict with your previous partner.
There are always going to be things that need discussing but if they can’t be managed in a cordial manner, then it is best to avoid all contact and go through legal channels instead.
Conflict is never going to help the situation, it is only ever going to make matters worse and leave you feeling in a poorer state, mentally and physically. If you have enlisted the help of a third party, either a solicitor or mediator, then leave everything to them.
8. Avoid having feelings of guilt about how the relationship ended
Feelings of guilt or indeed any feelings of negation are never going to serve you. If you feel that you were to blame for the separation, constantly blaming yourself or feeling guilty is never going to bring about anything other than harm and upset.
You need to remember, there are always two sides to everything and that no one is ever completely blameless. You can’t change the past and so the only course left for you is to move on. If you are carrying feelings of guilt around with you this will never be able to happen.
9. Be financially prudent in this time of change
Sometimes one of the most distressing aspects of separation can be the financial implications.
Divorces are costly and if you are having to sell your property and other assets, it can leave you in a more vulnerable position. This is where it is prudent to be financially cautious.
Try not to spend too much, look to get the best representation that you can afford and be mindful of the income that you now have coming in.
10. Use the power of gratitude to recognize what's good in your life
There is always the temptation to look totally at the negative side of life when living through any kind of separation. A tendency to look at all that you have lost and to dwell on what you no longer have in your life. Although this is a totally expected reaction, looking from a more positive perspective is much more helpful.
Practice gratitude and be thankful for all that you have in your life. Even when you are feeling at your lowest, there will always be something in your life for you to be grateful for, your health, family, friends or job are all reasons to be grateful.
The more you practice gratitude, the more you will discover to be grateful for and the better you will feel about your life.
11. Develop some new interests to take your mind off the situation
If you find that you are ruminating over unhelpful thoughts then develop some new interests to take your mind off them.
When your mind is focused in another direction it will help you to move through this time.
Developing some new hobbies or interests is another way to meet different people and engage in a new way of living. It can help to take you out of yourself and discover a new side to your personality.
12. Keep a sense of routine in your day-to-day life
When your life has been thrown into turmoil, try to keep a sense of routine in your day-to-day life. A separation can be a major upheaval in your life and you can find very quickly that every aspect of your life has changed. This can be very unsettling and upsetting.
Developing a new day-to-day routine can give you a sense of calm, order and purpose. It can help you to get through each day and can be very cathartic and healing.
13. Make sure you read up about the divorce process
When you are getting a divorce make sure that you know what to expect. Never be left in the dark about what is happening and what your rights are. You will be far more prepared and in control if you know what to expect and the order in which everything is going to happen.
Don’t let the other person take the upper hand and be in control of everything, you need to make sure that you read up on the divorce process before anything happens.
14. Make plans for your new life especially if children are involved
One of the hardest aspects of divorce can be going through a separation when there are children involved. This is where you have to be especially vigilant to keep any acrimony out of the proceedings.
You need to make careful, measured plans at this time so that your children are as sheltered from any fallout as much as possible. What the new living arrangements are going to be, custody decisions and anything else that may affect your children. They should be your priority.
15. Be accepting of the new person you are becoming
When you go through a divorce you will no doubt find that in some ways you become a new person. This is totally natural and you need to be accepting of this new you. Often changes in personality are for the better, you can become more self-reliant, more outgoing and more confident. If you find that you have any negative changes at first, accept them for now because they could be just temporary alterations while you are processing what is happening in your life.
16. Learn to let go of your former life
Nothing ever stays the same and when you have gone through a divorce, your life is never going to look the same again.
You need to let go of your former life in order to move on and continue with your new life. Of course, this can always be tricky, especially if you feel that your life has been downgraded since a divorce but trying to hold on to how your life was is never going to do anything but make you feel worse about your current situation.
You need to accept your new life now and move on and leave your old life in the past where it now belongs. This is the only way you will have a chance of future happiness.
17. Make self-care an absolute priority
At this time in your life, you need to make self-care a priority in your life. Both your mental and physical health can suffer when going through any kind of upheaval and divorce can be particularly traumatic. Try and do as much as you possibly can to look after yourself. Connect with friends and family, and take time for your sleep and exercise routines. Eat a good diet and avoid drinking to access.
Take time out to practice meditation, mindfulness and other ways to relax and recharge. Treat yourself as you would treat someone you love in this situation.
18. Consider coaching or therapy to help with the transition
Approaching a life coach or therapist can be a tremendous help when going through a divorce. You are going to have many emotions and feelings come to the surface that you may not know how to handle.
This is also no doubt going to be a new situation for you and so you will have no point of reference as to how to cope with what comes your way.
This is where trained professionals can really help you to move through and come out the other side. Having somebody to talk to and discuss issues with can be a real emotional lifeline for you at the time.
19. Write a journal to clarify your thoughts
When you have a lot going on in your mind and are finding it hard to cope with your thoughts, writing in a journal can be very beneficial. A journal entry can help you to make sense of what you are thinking and can help you eliminate negative thought processes from your life.
If you find yourself waking in the night with unhelpful thoughts racing then writing them into your journal can help you drift off back to sleep.
Keeping a journal can also be used as a way for you to see the progress you have made and how far you have come on your journey which can give you a real psychological boost.
20. Declutter your life
A major life change like divorce can be a real catalyst for you to make positive changes in your life. If you are having to move out of your house, this is an excellent opportunity to de-clutter and downscale. This can be very healing and can help you move on to your new life, without taking all of your previous baggage with you.
21. Don't make any rash decisions
Try not to have any knee-jerk reactions to your new situation. Making rash decisions at this time can be harmful to your future. Wherever possible make measured, reasoned and informed decisions. Take time before signing documents and think through how your new life is going to look and feel to you. Don’t just jump into new changes without thinking of all of the repercussions for yourself.
Final Thoughts
There are many survival techniques that you can use when you are looking for how to deal with divorce as a woman.
Nobody would ever tell you that this is going to be an easy time. Some people will go through a divorce easier than others but if you put the above techniques in place then it should help you to negotiate this time of your life.
No matter what life throws at you, there are always ways to negotiate the hurdles and adjust to a new life feeling happy and contented.
How you deal with the situation now will help to determine what your future life will be like. Therefore decide how you would like your future to look and start making plans for this to happen.
If you would like to listen to the audio version of this blog post click below;
If you have any commnets on this blog post quote and share
