How to Cope With Things Out of Your Control: 19 Ways to Gain Control
“I cannot always control what goes on outside. But I can always control what goes on inside”
How to cope with feeling out of control
Coping with life can seem overwhelming at times. No matter how old or what our circumstances are, we can all find moments when we feel out of control in our lives.
Although we live in an age where we have many time-saving devices and technology to hand, more money and free time and better living conditions than in any period in history, we can still feel that we have too much to do, are burdened down and are unable to control many situations in our lives.
When situations are out of your control they can lead to a build-up of stress and anxiety. It can affect everything from your relationships with yourself, family and friends to your job and social life.
You can feel overwhelmed by the pressures of the world and find that life can at times be daunting.
The world we are living in at the moment can seem to be full of stress and pressure. No matter where you live, many worries and stresses are being placed on our lives from external sources.
Cost of living, war, energy costs and fuel bills rising, it seems as if it is a never-ending stream of doom and gloom that is washing over us and it is leaving many people unable to cope.
Learning to cope when life seems out of your control, is something that many people need to be able to do. It’s very easy to be told to just stop worrying or to not get stressed but if you are prone to thinking in a way that brings you stress and anxiety, you are going to find that very difficult, which leads to more stress and so the cycle continues.
“Why do I worry about things that I have no control over?” Is this a question that you ask yourself? Do you wonder why you find yourself ruminating on thoughts and scenarios that you can’t possibly control?
Are you prone to seeing worries and complications in every circumstance? If you recognise yourself in any of these questions then continue reading to discover how you can begin to change your thinking.
How to stay calm when things are out of your control
There are many ways of staying calm when circumstances seem out of your control. How you think is always going to determine how you act and the results that you get from life.
When you learn to control your thinking then you will be able to see how it is affecting your life. Anyone who constantly thinks in a fearful way will constantly see results that reflect this. Getting control of your mind is the key to feeling control of your life.
“We can’t control the wind but we can direct the sails”
What to do when your life feels out of control
Knowing what you should be doing and then doing it are two totally different things. We all know for example that if we had a diet free from sugar and processed foods we would be much healthier but knowing this is not the same as having the discipline to live in this way.
The same goes for our thinking. We all know that if we had positive thoughts and never worried we would have far less stress in our lives and would be a lot happier but knowing this isn’t going to magically change our thinking.
There are things that we need to do to make the changes.
The same thing applies to feeling out of control. This requires us to put into place various practices to start making a change in our cognitive behaviours.
Follow the 19 tips below to start gaining control when you are struggling to cope with life beyond your control
19 Ways to gain control
1. Understand how you are feeling
Until you understand how you are feeling you won’t be able to start making the changes needed. Too many people mask negative emotions, deciding that if they don’t confront them they will go away.
This is never true, all it does is delay how you feel about a situation which usually results in the situation getting worse.
When you have a negative emotion, let it play out in your body. Really experience the emotion so you start to understand it is not something to be afraid of or a feeling that you can’t cope with.
This will put you in control of your emotions whether good or bad and will prevent them from ruling your life.
2. Concentrate on what you can actually control
There are always going to be circumstances that you can control and circumstances that you can’t, that is just a fact of life. There is no point in wasting time or energy trying to control something that you will never be able to, it will only ever lead to you feeling stressed, angry or frustrated.
Instead, acknowledge those situations that you can’t control and let them go and instead focus your energy where you do have control. This is far more empowering and productive.
3. Develop techniques to manage the stress
If you become stressed or anxious when you feel that everything is out of your control then start developing some techniques to help you to manage your stress levels.
Have techniques to hand that you can turn to and use as soon as you find yourself in a stressful situation, this will prevent you from becoming overwhelmed and unable to cope, and it will also help to put situations into perspective.
4. Become aware of your thoughts
Are you always aware of the thoughts that you have? Do you ever question the validity of your thoughts or examine them for accuracy? So much of our thinking can be automatic, often negatively automatic that we never question it we just believe it.
Train yourself to become aware of the thoughts that you are having and how they are serving you. If they are harming your life then make moves to rid your mind of them.
5. Build self-care breaks into your day
Your mental well-being is equally as important as your physical well-being so make sure that you factor your self-care routine into your daily routine.
You wouldn’t keep pushing yourself if you were physically exhausted, you would no doubt let your body rest and recuperate.
The same principle applies to your mental well-being. Take time to relax and unwind and look after your mental well-being.
6. Think of ways you can reduce stress in your life
Reducing the stress that you have in your life should be a priority for anyone who feels that they can’t cope with situations out of their control. Adding stress to an already stressed mind isn’t good for your mental or physical health.
Look at the ways that you can reduce stress. Do you have other people who can help you? Can you speak to your employer about your working hours? Would you benefit from fiscal advice on managing your finances? There are many places that you can turn to or hacks that you can adopt into your life to remove stress.
7. Live your life with purpose
When you have purpose and meaning in your life, you will have less time to concentrate on ruminating thoughts about situations that you can’t control. Make sure that your time is filled with activities that give you meaning and purpose.
8. Begin a mindful practice daily
Living in the present moment can prevent you from going into a place of stress and anxiety about circumstances that you have no control over. So often when people project their thinking into the future, they have negative thoughts but there is no evidence to suggest often that the scenarios they are projecting will ever happen.
Spending too much time living in a negative future is harmful and unproductive. Instead, spend as much time consciously living in the now and concentrating your thoughts and feelings there.
9. Learn to control your breathing
The power of the breath is an amazing tool to control an overactive, negative mind and the stress and anxiety that it can create in the body. If you find that you are beginning to panic about thoughts that you have no control over practice a breathing technique to slow the breath and your mind.
Breathing in for a count of 4, holding the breath for a count of 4 and then breathing out for a count of 4 is a handy tool to be able to apply when stressed.
10. Write down your thoughts in a journal
Many times the thoughts that are occupying your mind have no basis. They are more than not thoughts that you have imagined will happen in the future, or they are thoughts that you have overdramatised when replaying in your mind.
Writing your thoughts in a journal is a good way of interpreting your thoughts more truthfully. Journaling gives you time and space to examine your thoughts and assess their validity.
Journaling is also an excellent way of identifying triggers that spark unwanted, negative thoughts which enables you to work on reducing them.
11. Assess when you may require professional help
Many people can work on their own to address and alter negative thinking but many others benefit from professional help when it comes to eradicating negative thinking.
The help of coaches or counsellors can bring about a change of thinking by supplying tools and advice. They are there to listen to your concerns and to give you another alternative to any cognitive distortions that you may have.
12. Practise the process of acceptance for things that can’t be changed
Life can be tricky at times and can often throw up many difficult or unwanted circumstances that we are then forced to deal with.
There are going to be many times that a situation will occur that you will not be able to change and that you will just have to accept.
Times such as illness, the death of a loved one or the breakdown of a relationship for example can be extremely upsetting and difficult but unfortunately unchangeable.
Learning to accept these situations is the only way to get through. Fighting against them is never going to change the result and will just lead to more stress and anxiety, acceptance is the only way through.
13. Ask “What can I do right now to help the situation”
When confronted by any negative situation, the first thing that you should do is assess what you can do at that precise moment in time to alter the situation for the better. You may not be able to change what has happened but you may be able to lessen the impact by acting proactively and dealing with the situation.
14. Recognise your fears and how you can face them
Everyone is going to have a fear that creates anxiety, this is part of human nature. When you are confronted by a fear you need to know ways in which to be able to face them to prevent more anxiety.
Removing yourself from a situation to prevent more anxiety is the first step, practice your breathing technique as a way of making your mind get used to the fear that you are feeling.
You need to be able to face your fears, constantly running away and avoiding them is only going to make them worse. Imagining a worst-case scenario can also help to put your fears into perspective, as well as evaluate evidence to support your fears.
15. Separate problem-solving thinking from just worrying
Whenever you are confronted by a difficult or unpleasant situation, you can either problem-solve or worry. The first suggestion is proactive and positive, and the second is harmful. You need to be able to understand the difference between the two practices.
16. Use positive affirmations in times of stress
When your mind is full of negative language, your thoughts are going to be stressful and negative. Using positive affirmations is a simple yet very effective way of switching your thoughts from negative to positive.
Positive affirmations work so well because the constant repetition means that the brain begins to believe what it is saying, therefore you can start to replace negative thoughts with positive ones and can begin to remove stress and anxiety.
17. Keep things in perspective
Perspective is everything when dealing with negative thinking. How many times will you have taken a negative situation completely out of context?
Or how often will you have read a situation wrong and then put a negative spin on it making it even worse?
Try to keep the thoughts that you are having in perspective at all times. Look at situations from a logical point of view and be rational.
18. Stop catastrophizing about your life
Catastrophizing is one of the most damaging exercises you can do for your mental well-being. Always looking at the worst-case scenario or imagining everything to be far worse than it is will never produce a positive outcome.
Try training your mind to stop overreacting and catastrophizing over every situation. Always thinking of a negative future is always going to leave you living with stress and anxiety meaning that you will never be able to cope with any situations that life throws up.
19. Practise and study positive thinking
People who live with the attitude of “the glass being half full” will always have a happier, calmer, more productive life. They will spend their time being solution-focused and planning expecting the best-case scenarios to happen.
This isn’t because they are out of touch or deluded but because they are more focused on positive thinking and positive outcomes.
If you want good things to happen in life and be in control more then you need to have a positive mindset and this can only be achieved by practising positive thinking.
Final Thoughts
Life is always going to throw up situations that we have no control over, how we choose to deal with them is the only thing that we will ever have control over. Trying to avoid difficult or stressful circumstances will mean that you will never live a full life, you will only ever live a life constrained by fear and anxiety.
Applying the techniques above will mean that you will be able to handle life even when it is not going the way that you want it to be. Having an arsenal of coping mechanisms will give you back some control of your emotions even when you can’t control the situation.
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