19 Simple Tips: How To Be Assertive In Life
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Why do I struggle to be assertive?
Are you the sort of person who says “Yes” to everything when every fibre of you wants to scream” No!”?
Do you feel delegated to do everything, whether at work or home, and you end up feeling taken for granted and used, yet you do it anyway?
If either of these scenarios resonates with you, you are suffering from a lack of assertiveness, fearing the reaction of other people instead of standing up for yourself.
This is a very common problem many people suffer from, but the good news is that once identified, you can rid yourself of it.
Struggling to be assertive often stems from a fear of conflict, rejection, or the desire to be liked.
Many people were never taught how to express their needs confidently, especially if they grew up in environments where being passive or overly accommodating was encouraged.
This can lead to internalised beliefs that speaking up is selfish or rude. However, assertiveness is about balance—honouring both your needs and the needs of others.
Start by noticing situations where you remain silent even when you have something important to express.
How do I improve assertiveness?
If you are suffering from a lack of assertiveness, you will understand all too well how disruptive it can be in your life.
The negative emotions that can spring up in different situations and the lack of self-esteem and self-confidence that can come with it.
As difficult as it seems, you need to take back control of your life and get more assertive. Improving assertiveness begins with self-awareness—identifying the situations where you feel unable to speak up and exploring why.
From there, practice using “I” statements, such as “I feel” or “I need,” to express yourself clearly without blame.
The more you practice these statements, the more confidence you will build in yourself and the more assertive you will become.
Body language matters too—maintain eye contact and speak in a calm, firm tone. Body language is a powerful force when dealing with people who are determined to take advantage of you and manipulate you.
Practice in front of a mirror first if it helps, and imagine talking to someone who intimidated you.
Role-playing assertive responses before a challenging conversation can build confidence as well.
Little by little, these habits empower you to communicate honestly and effectively and will begin to break down your lack of assertiveness and boost your confidence levels.
19 Simple Tips
1. Become aware of your own needs and feelings
Being assertive starts with self-awareness. You can’t clearly express your needs if you don’t know what they are. Spend time journaling or reflecting on what truly matters to you. Ask yourself, What am I feeling? What do I need right now? This clarity gives you the confidence to speak up with purpose.
You have a right to express your own needs and desires, opinions and thoughts. Too often, unassertive people have know understanding of their own thoughts because they are too dominated by others. Becoming aware of who YOU are is your first step.
2. Learn how to say no to suggestions and requests you don't feel are right for you
Saying no is one of the most powerful assertiveness tools you have. It protects your energy, your time, and your values.
You don’t have to justify or over-explain—“No, that doesn’t work for me” is enough. Start with small “No’s” and build up from there.
Remember, “No is a complete sentence.” (Anne Lamott)
3. Set your boundaries about what you feel is acceptable
Boundaries are the invisible lines that protect your emotional and mental well-being. We all need boundaries to have great relationships with ourselves and others.
When you define what’s acceptable to you, others learn how to treat you. Don’t wait until you feel overwhelmed—be proactive about communicating your limits. Boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re necessary.
As Prentis Hemphill said, “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” Setting them is an act of self-respect.
4. Maintain confident body language when communicating
Your body speaks before your words do. Stand tall, make eye contact, and avoid fidgeting—these non-verbal cues signal confidence.
When you align your posture with your message, others take you more seriously. Even if you feel nervous, act "as if" until you grow into that confidence.
Practice in front of a mirror or record yourself to build awareness of how your body language reflects how you feel about yourself.
Confident body language says, “I value myself, and I deserve to be heard.”
5. Have a level of firmness in the tone of your voice
The tone of your voice plays a major role in how your message is received. Speak clearly, calmly, and with conviction. This is another exercise you can practice to get right.
Avoid speaking too softly your tone and volume should be clear and audible. Avoid using a questioning tone when making statements. Being firm doesn’t mean being aggressive—it means being sure of yourself. Imagine your words landing like a steady drumbeat, not a frantic tap.
6. Practice what you're going to say in advance
Preparation is the secret weapon of assertive people. Think through what you want to say, especially in situations that usually trip you up.
You can even rehearse with a friend or in the mirror. This gives you a chance to refine your message and feel more confident delivering it.
The more you prepare, the more natural assertiveness becomes.
Like a muscle, it strengthens with use. When you have practised and are prepared, you will feel and act more confidently.
7. Learn how to control your emotions, be firm but calm
Assertiveness is not about emotional outbursts—it’s about steady, respectful communication.
When you stay calm, even while being firm, you remain in control of the conversation.
Take deep breaths, pause before responding, and centre yourself. Emotional regulation helps your message land without defensiveness or conflict. As Viktor Frankl wrote, “Between stimulus and response there is a space… in that space is our power to choose our response.” That space is where true assertiveness begins.
8. Believe your thoughts and ideas are as valid as anybody else's
Your voice matters, and so do your ideas. Many people hold back because they fear rejection or feel inferior, but everyone has unique value to offer.
Start challenging those beliefs by affirming: “My opinion is important.” Remember that confidence grows when you speak up and learn that the sky doesn’t fall.
Take up space—you deserve to be heard.
9. Use assertive “I” statements when necessary
Use assertive “I” statements when necessary “I” statements help you express your needs without blaming or accusing.
For example, say “I feel frustrated when meetings run late because I value punctuality,” rather than “You’re always late.”
This approach reduces defensiveness and invites collaboration. It’s a way to own your experience while still being respectful. Assertiveness isn’t about control—it’s about clarity and responsibility. The more you practice speaking in this manner, the more you will believe what you have to say and the more confidence you will build within you.
10. Use empathetic assertion
Empathetic assertion blends understanding the other person’s perspective with expressing your own needs.
It sounds like, “I understand you’re busy, but I still need a response by tomorrow.”
This approach shows you respect their situation while not minimising your own. It often softens resistance and encourages mutual respect.
Being kind and assertive are not opposites—they’re powerful allies
As Brené Brown reminds us, “Empathy fuels connection.”
11. Be assertive by emphasising consequences
Sometimes, it’s necessary to highlight the consequences of inaction or continued behaviour. For instance, “If I don’t receive the report by Friday, the project will be delayed.”
This frames your assertion with logic, not threat, and communicates importance. It helps others understand the ripple effect of their actions. Use a calm tone and clear examples.
Assertiveness isn’t about controlling others—it’s about communicating your boundaries and expectations effectively.
12. Use repetition to be assertive by emphasising a point
Known as the “broken record” technique, this involves calmly repeating your point when someone tries to divert or push past your boundary. For example: “I understand, but I won’t be able to work late tonight.”
Repetition shows consistency and resolve without escalating the conversation. It’s a calm and powerful way to reinforce your stance.
You don’t need to argue—you just need to stay firm. The key is persistence with poise.
13. Use two positive statements either side of an assertive statement
This technique, often called the "sandwich method," positively frames your assertive message.
For example: “I appreciate how hard you’ve been working. I need us to stick to deadlines more consistently. I’m confident we can do this together.”
This structure softens the message while keeping it clear. It’s especially helpful in relationships or team environments where tone matters. Balanced communication builds bridges.
14. Use active listening to encourage others to respect you when you speak
True assertiveness isn’t just about speaking up—it’s also about listening well. Active listening means giving someone your full attention, nodding, asking clarifying questions, and summarising what they said.
When people feel heard, they’re more likely to listen to you in return. This mutual respect lays the foundation for effective, assertive dialogue. When you model good listening, you naturally earn respect.
15. Show understanding and respect for other people's feelings
Assertiveness doesn’t mean dismissing others—it means balancing your needs with theirs.
Saying things like “I can see how that would frustrate you” acknowledges their emotions while still holding your boundary.
This builds empathy and connection rather than conflict. Respecting others’ feelings shows emotional maturity, which strengthens your message.
People respond better when they feel respected.
16. Practice using assertive self-talk
The way you speak to yourself shapes how you speak to others. Replace self-defeating thoughts like “I can’t do this” with “I have a right to speak up.”
Assertive self-talk boosts confidence and prepares your mind to handle challenging conversations.
Try journaling daily affirmations such as “I deserve to be heard,” or “It’s okay to say no.”
As Louise Hay said, “You’ve been criticising yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” Empowered thoughts lead to empowered actions.
17. Use the feel the fear and do it anyway technique
Courage isn’t the absence of fear—it’s action despite it. Susan Jeffers’ classic advice “Feel the fear and do it anyway” reminds us that fear is normal, but it doesn’t have to control us. The more you face assertive moments head-on, the easier they become.
Practice small acts of courage daily—say no to something minor or speak up in a group. Over time, you desensitise yourself to discomfort. Progress happens on the edge of your comfort zone.
18. Use absolute clarity in what you ask for
Vague language leads to confusion; clarity is the heart of assertiveness. Instead of saying “I wish things were different,” say “I need this report by 3 p.m. on Wednesday.”
Clear communication prevents misunderstandings and shows confidence.
It also increases the chances of your needs being met. People can’t read your mind—so be specific, respectful, and direct.
19. Celebrate your wins at being assertive
Every time you act assertively, no matter how small, give yourself credit. Acknowledge your courage and progress—it builds positive reinforcement.
You might keep a journal of daily assertive actions to track your growth. Celebrating these wins shifts your mindset from fear to pride.
Recognise your efforts and let them fuel your continued growth.
“The more you celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate.”
Final Thoughts
Assertiveness isn’t about being aggressive or demanding—it’s about honouring your own needs while respecting others.
The 19 tips you've explored are not just tools for communication; they are gateways to self-respect, confidence, and empowerment.
From learning to say no with clarity, to using “I” statements, to practising empathetic listening and self-talk, each action you take builds a stronger sense of self. As you implement these strategies, remember: growth takes practice.
Every time you stand firm, speak clearly, and stay calm, you're strengthening your voice and stepping more fully into your personal power.
As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Choose to rise, to be heard, and to live a life where your words and worth truly matter.
If mastering assertiveness is an area you struggle with, coaching can help. Coaching can give you the space, support and accountability to master assertiveness and build self-confidence. Why not book a Free Discovery call and see the benefits of coaching?
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