Midlife breakthrough, not breakdown.

Are you experiencing a midlife crisis? How would you know if you were? Are the symptoms that you are feeling to do with hormonal changes, is it the onset of menopause that is making you feel the way that you do? Are you suffering from a bout of depression and can’t identify why?

As many women move into the second half of their lives, they have a feeling that they are at a crossroads in life and they are not sure which direction they should be going in. They are dissatisfied with their life but don’t know which way to turn to fix them. There are ways though, to make the second half of your life the best half, to move you away from feeling dissatisfied and stuck to feeling fulfilled and free to live your life the way that you want to.

What is a midlife crisis?

There has always been a debate as to whether the midlife crisis actually exists. It isn’t something that is recognized by mental health experts as being a medical condition though everybody knows what one is.

For years we have all lived with the idea of the male midlife crisis, buying a fast car, change in wardrobe, and classic symptoms of wanting to turn back the years and be young again.

But what about women? what does a midlife crisis look like for them? For so long the focus of the midlife crisis has been on men and not women but after all, regardless of gender, between the ages of 40-60, there does seem to be a general restlessness that sets in, a time for reflection and questioning.

This period of life tends to bring many people a dissatisfied and unhappy time. This is reflected in the U curve studies, studies that have been taken to show that during the middle years of a person’s life, their happiness tends to level off and they can reach the unhappiest time of their life.

The Happiness Curve

David Blanchflower, an economics professor at Dartmouth College, New Hampshire released papers in January 2020, on The Happiness Curve. Here he studied hundreds of thousands of people from 132 countries and found that globally people experience an inverted U-shaped “happiness” curve.

Starting at 18, happiness begins to decline in a person until the age of 47.2 years of age when their unhappiness peaks. The good news is that a person’s happiness starts to climb again gradually though it will take you until you reach your mid 60’s to feel as happy as you did at 18.

His research showed that people in their 20s, 30s and ’40s are more likely to compare themselves with other people in an unfavourable way and that what you expect from your life plays a vital role in determining your happiness levels later on in it, depending on whether or not you fulfil your dreams. His findings demonstrate the basis for the mid-life crisis, that by middle age many people have feelings of depression, anxiety, and general malaise about their life.

Signs of midlife crisis in a woman

For years the depiction of a midlife crisis for men was radically different than for women. A man was supposed to be concerned with his career and standing in life whilst women were emotional and concerned with changing dynamics in relationships such as children leaving home.

This distinction now has gone as women's lives have expanded in all directions. Women now are often the main breadwinners with changing roles in society, pursuing careers whilst raising a family. Now each person experiences midlife in different ways, and this period in a person’s life has become a far more personal experience.

It stands to reason that in many ways, the middle years of your life are going to bring some emotional trauma, this is a time when there is a huge amount of change, not all of it positive, there are many factors at play at this stage of a person’s life that leaves them feeling dissatisfied, depressed or unsure of their future;

• Empty nest syndrome

• Career changes

• Onset of menopause

• Change in relationship with a partner

• Health issues

• Looking after elderly relatives

• Change in how we look

• Loss of libido

• Slowing down and lack of energy

• Fear of being stuck in a rut with no way to escape

• Want to make a change but are not sure of the direction to go

• Comparing your life in an unfavourable way to others

How do women get over the midlife crisis?

All of the above changes can have a profound effect on how we feel and behave. With so much going on in life in such a short space of time it is little wonder that many people feel disorientated and feel a little in crisis.

Many women are left asking themselves such questions as; “Who am I?” or “where is my life heading?”, “ am I happy?”, or “what is left for me now?” This crossroads that many get to in life can leave them stuck for a long time wondering in which direction should they go.

This indecision is what can cause many to spend a long time stuck in a rut and feeling that the life they had is over and so a mid-life crisis can set in.

But what if you could turn your midlife crisis into a mid-life breakthrough? What if you could start focusing on yourself and what you want and what matters to you?

What if you could speed up the findings of The Happiness Curve and start feeling happier in your life now instead of in your early 60s?The answer is you can. The answer is to use your mid-time of life to develop the next stage of your life.

Decide what you want the next stage to look like, where you want to be, and what you want to be doing, and then go for it. Start putting yourself first and start living the life that you want to have, Look at this time of your life not from a point of view of loss but from what you can gain from the coming years.

19 Ways to avoid a crisis and breakthrough

By the time you reach your mid-forties, you will probably have a whole host of commitments around you, and this is where the crisis can start to set in. Even if you actively try to avoid a mid-life crisis, it can creep up on you without you even realizing it. So instead of thinking of ways that you can avoid a crisis or fight against it take these steps instead;

1. Determine your own future

   What many fight against are the constrictions and attitudes of other people in their lives so start taking control of your destiny. When children leave home, embrace this change and see it as more time you have reclaimed for yourself instead of others. If you are unhappy with your career, change it and do something that you love or have always wanted to do.

2. Reconnect with others in your life

   Mid-life is the perfect time to reconnect with other people in your life. Whether that is with a partner, family, or friends, this time of life is the ideal time to start. Friends, in particular, can offer you so much at this time as some will be going through the same experiences as you and will be able to identify with what you are going through. A strong circle of friends can increase your sense of well-being and identity.

3. Take care of yourself physically and mentally

   This is a time when you can and should really be indulging in a healthy nutritious diet that will feed you inside and out. Eating fresh, healthy food, drinking plenty of water, and cutting back on alcohol and processed foods will not only help you to look your best but also feel great as well. A good diet will help you sleep better, have more energy, and keep you healthy, all ways that will make you feel better about your age. Taking care of yourself now is the best way to ward off health problems as you age.

4. Take to writing it down

   Keeping a journal is an ideal way of documenting what you are thinking and feeling. As you age you gain so much wisdom and experience and writing down all the things that you have accomplished, learned, and survived will show you how far you have come in life and how much you still have left to do. Commit to paper everything you still have left that you want to do and it will emphasize just how much more living you have and how much more you still have to look forward to. It will highlight to you just how relevant you still are.

5. Re-evaluate your perspectives on life

   There is a very high chance that what you wanted when you were 20 no longer interests you when you are 45 and why would it, you have matured and changed and that is a good thing. Now is the time to start re-evaluating your life, what is still important to you, what isn’t what your new perspectives and values are.

6. Look to the future with optimism

   We are all in control of our lives and so the future should look how we want it to look. Planning how you want your future life to unfold will mean that you will look optimistically forward and be excited about what is to come. You are the creator of your life, no one else

7. Develop your own community to help

Finding your tribe can help you to develop your place in this new stage of your life. If you have experienced children leaving home or the passing of older relatives who you used to spend time with, you may find that you have more opportunities now to develop your interests with a new community of like-minded individuals.

8. Start a regular exercise routine

There can be no doubt that getting into your middle years can start to take a toll physically and mentally on your body. Aches and pains that you never experienced before, lack of energy and weight gain can all start to be a burden in mid-life. Take proactive action and start exercising. The results will benefit you mentally and physically.

9. Begin something new

Starting something new can give you a whole new lease of life. If you have more free time, more disposable income or an inclination to spread your wings, then embarking on a new hobby or pastime could be just what you need. New challenges and experiences can prevent life from becoming dull and repetitive. Get out there and start something new.

10. Improve your sleep patterns

During peri-menopause and menopause, sleep patterns can become disrupted. Lack of sleep can play havoc on your emotional and physical well-being. If you find that your sleep patterns are being affected then take immediate action.

Sleep is so essential for mental and physical well-being that you must address this issue. Try going to bed and rising at the same time to develop a regular sleep pattern. You may find that eating much earlier in the evening is better for you. Avoid alcohol, caffeine and spicy food before bed. Have cotton bedding and pj’s that will keep you cooler and leave any electronic devices out of your room.

11. Practice self-care every day

Rid yourself of the belief that putting yourself first is selfish and start practising a self-care routine daily. Indulge in past times or routines that you love, make you feel good and that is good for your mental well-being.

You need to devote time to yourself, you are just as important as anyone else and you need to acknowledge this and practice it daily.

12. Make an effort to look your best

How you look can significantly impact your self-worth and your emotional state of mind. If you look in the mirror and see someone who is ageing, and not taking care of themselves, this is going to leave you lacking in self-confidence and self-esteem.

Take care to make an effort in your appearance, not for everyone else, but for yourself. Treat yourself to a good haircut, address your wardrobe and get more fashionable clothes. Keep an eye on your weight, for your health as well as aesthetics. Make your appearance something that lifts your confidence.

13. Address negative thinking

Everyone can be prone to negative thinking at times but unfortunately, during peri-menopause and menopause, women can suffer more from negative thinking. Address the thoughts that you are having and look for evidence to dispel these thoughts. They will not serve you and have no place in your mind.

14. Keep things in perspective

Catastrophizing, jumping to the wrong conclusions and seeing the worst in a situation are harmful and unhelpful. Keep your thoughts in perspective and challenge negative thinking.

15. Use your imagination to become inspired

If you find that your life is becoming dull and repetitive, use your imagination and become inspired to make changes. You are in control of your mind and of your future. Use your creative side to imagine a life that you want to be living.

16. Educate yourself on the mind

If you don’t quite understand what is happening to you mentally then do some research. There is a wealth of information available today on mid-life and what happens to you mentally and physically. Don’t sit in the dark wondering what is happening to you, be proactive and educate yourself.

17. Use a gratitude journal

Start writing down how you are thinking and feeling. and everything that you have to be grateful for. When you assess everything in your life that you are grateful for, it will highlight just how much you have. It is a way to address all of the amazing aspects of your life and how much you have achieved.

18. Accept and acknowledge your feelings

If you are feeling stressed, anxious or upset, acknowledge these feelings, Never try and squash a negative emotion, it won’t go anywhere until you address it. Sit with it and question the thoughts that are making you feel the way you do. Only when you have done this will you be able to start making a change in the way you are thinking and feeling.

19. Use the wisdom and skills of a life coach

The midlife crisis can be viewed as a regular part of the ageing and maturing process. This is a time in life when most people will experience some form of change in their lives emotionally and will start to re-evaluate their lives in some way.

Instead of viewing this transitional period as a crisis, it is far more productive to view it as a breakthrough. Coaching during this time can help you evaluate what is happening in your life now and what you would like to change.

It can help you address the problems that you are facing and can take you through a transformation to realize your dreams and can help you in setting and hitting goals for your future.

Final Thoughts

Many people just need direction and help to keep focused and that is what coaching can offer you. Coaching can help you to reconnect with yourself. You set the goals and you do the work, a good coach will be there for you if any doubts arise or you start to lose direction.

They will keep you on the path that you are taking, offering encouragement and support and aiding you in your commitment to the goals that you have.

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