How to stop the spotlight effect

Spotlight syndrome is just like it sounds, it is the feeling that everybody is looking at you as if you were in a spotlight. It doesn’t matter where you are; standing in a queue at a bus stop or waiting to be served in a shop, the situation is irrelevant, it is the feelings that arise from it that are always the same……..the fear that everyone around is looking at you.

The term “spotlight effect” was coined in 1999 by the psychologists, Thomas Gilovich and Kenneth Savitsky. Psychologists use the term “spotlight syndrome” to explain the condition where people feel that they are in the centre of a spotlight and being observed by everybody which can cause the person crippling anxiety and can make them believe that they are being judged by those around them. This condition can have far-reaching effects on their lives.

Why do we feel the Spotlight Effect?

This syndrome has people believing that everyone is watching them staring at all their faults and flaws, and judging them for how they believe they are being perceived. The fact is though that most people are too concerned with what is going on in their own lives to worry or concern themselves with somebody else.

Indeed it is true that most of us consistently overestimate the degree to which another person is watching us or has us in the “spotlight.” We, as individuals and collectively, are driven by our egos in that we base everything that happens around us, on the experiences that we have and the thoughts and biases that we believe.

The spotlight syndrome can be amplified by somebody who already suffers from any form of anxiety, especially social anxiety. These people do not just suffer from mild embarrassment in social situations when they feel that they are being watched by others, they can be paralyzed with fear in such situations.

People with this condition can make even the simplest thing that happens to them in a day turn into a major trauma, believing that they are constantly living in the spotlight and feeling its heat.

In reality. things that we draw attention to in our minds can often go completely unnoticed by other people. Somebody, for example, who is worrying that they are having a really bad hair day and are consistently self-conscious of it would be surprised to hear that somebody else hasn’t even noticed it……this worry has been churning inside them all day and has been completely unwarranted.

Alongside the “spotlight syndrome”, sit two other related biases; “the illusory transparency” and “self-as target of prejudice”. The illusory transparency bias can have us overestimating the extent to which our thoughts and ideas can leak out of us and are made aware to other people, for example, your thoughts about a particular person at a party that you are not too keen on and believing that they can sense this from you.

The self-as target of prejudice bias can have us believing that we are the centre of a situation where we feel there is a bias or prejudice against us when this in fact is not the case.

All of these conditions are related and can have an impact on our lives in one way or another but there are things that we can do to eradicate them.

Knowledge of the conditions

Once you know about these biases, you can go some way to understanding the effect that they have on you and how you can go about removing them from your mind.

Understanding that people are more concerned by what is happening in their own lives and not by what is happening in yours can make you feel far less self-conscious in social situations.

If you don’t believe that people are noticing you or judging you or singling you out for unfair treatment then you will be far less anxious.

10 Easy tips for overcoming the Spotlight Effect

1. Use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Spotlight Syndrom

There are many CBT or cognitive behavioural therapy tools and techniques that you can use to combat spotlight syndrome. Having a good coach to aid you in applying these tools can help you to start thinking and experiencing life differently. Once you understand that everything that goes on in your mind is caused by your thinking and you are given tools that can help you think differently you will start to see yourself and your world in a completely new light.

2. Use self-distancing techniques to combat Spotlight Syndrome

Using self-distancing techniques to overcome spotlight syndrome can be very beneficial. Try looking at yourself from a different perspective, ie not from the first-person perspective but from someone else’s perspective or a more general perspective. This will give you a new way of looking at everything and will help you to see yourself differently.

3. Use your breathing to reduce the Spotlight Effect

Breathing techniques are used many times when it comes to dealing with stress and anxiety and the symptoms that come from those conditions.

Breathing techniques can also aid in spotlight syndrome as far too often, when people are feeling under the spotlight they start to suffer from flight or fight syndrome and anxiety symptoms take over.

Slow your breathing down, do counting techniques of four seconds in and out to really start to slow the breath, get your heart rate under control and stop feelings of anxiety from taking over.

4. Change your focus to lessen the Spotlight Effect

This is a simple yet very effective tool to use when you are feeling the heat of spotlight syndrome. Distraction techniques work well because they take your mind off what you are thinking and help you concentrate on something that doesn’t cause as much anxiety. If you suffer from spotlight syndrome a lot, then have a tried and tested focus that you know is going to work for you, a happy memory, positive affirmation or a well-used phrase.

5. Use self-talk to reduce Spotlight Syndrome

You start to feel the pressure and what do you do next? You feel fear starting to kick in, you can feel the physical effects of anxiety starting to manifest themselves and you want to run. Instead, practice self-talk. Tell yourself that what is happening to you is all in your mind, you know that no actual harm will come to you and that the feelings that you are having you have had many times before and you have always been ok. Use calming, positive language to put you back in charge of the situation.

6. Become aware of how people really see you

We often believe that we know exactly how other people see us, always based on our views of how we see ourselves. This is rarely true, especially if you are viewing yourself from a negative perspective. Most people are far too engaged with themselves to notice other people and at best will neutrally perceive them if they do happen to notice. Think about how you view other people and then apply that thinking to other people about yourself.

7. Accept yourself for who you are

When you accept yourself for who you are and learn to love yourself then the opinions of other people won’t matter and you won’t be as concerned about being in the spotlight.

Nobody is perfect, we all have our faults and flaws, and who is to say what is perfect anyway? Love yourself and be true to yourself and other people will follow.

Not everyone is going to like you or approve of the way that you do things and live your life. And you know what….that doesn’t matter. Your life has nothing to do with other people. You concentrate on yourself and let them concentrate on themselves.

8. Ask other people what they really think

If you are so concerned as to what other people may be thinking about you then ask them.

Asking a question in this way may seem a bit unorthodox, especially if you suffer from anxiety or are lacking in confidence in any way, but only when you hear first-hand the opinion of another person will you be able to believe that people think highly of you.

The one thing that you always have to remember is that it really isn’t your business what opinion someone else has of you but if you really need to know then ask.

9. Develop personal courage and put yourself out there

This is a tricky one and will probably be the tip that most people would shy away from but you need to show up and put yourself out there.

We will all have times in our lives where we feel that we could do with more confidence, where we are suffering from self-limiting beliefs or where we feel that we are being judged by others.

Remember this and just try. Once you have taken that first step of courage and have committed yourself to be seen and heard by others it will get easier.

Remind yourself that nothing bad is going to happen to you physically and that the worst-case scenario might be that you will feel embarrassed and just do it. Prove to yourself that you dare to do anything that you put your mind to.

10. Break free from self-limiting beliefs

We all have many self-limiting beliefs that can keep us trapped in a certain way of thinking. These beliefs can exacerbate spotlight syndrome and other biases that we can suffer from.

Breaking free from these self-limiting beliefs can make us see things much clearer in life. If you believe that nobody ever finds you interesting, then speaking in a social setting can be excruciating.

Working through your self-limiting beliefs and finding no evidence for this thought can give your far more confidence and help you break free from spotlight syndrome.

Final Thoughts

Spotlight syndrome is something that we can all suffer from at some time or another in our lives. Whether it is because we are genuinely in the spotlight or are just always anxious about being seen by others, it is a common problem. Adopting the tips above for overcoming spotlight syndrome should help you live a life that is free from the stress and anxiety that this condition can bring.

Start to take control of your brain and the thoughts that are going on inside it. Ask yourself for proof of the thoughts that you are thinking, ask for other people’s opinions or begin to look at yourself in another way. Use the tips to free yourself from your thoughts and begin to live your life in a way that is true and liberating.

Humans tend to take themselves far too seriously. Most people will normally have to go a long way to draw attention to themselves.

The best way to be in life is to just be yourself, this is the true, genuine you and if people are going to love you and notice you then they will for all the right reasons.

Most people at the end of their life list not material possessions as things that they have missed but experiences and chances that they didn’t take because they believed that people were watching and judging, they missed out on so much in life…….don’t let this be you!!!! Let go of any feelings of shame, fear, anxiety, or regret that you have, step out and enjoy your life to the full

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