How do I give myself positive self-talk?

You live in your head all of the time and so you need to know how to talk to yourself in your head in a way that is going to be beneficial to you.

That internal constant chatter can either raise you up or bring you down depending on what you say to yourself.

Self-talk is that inner chatter that is influenced by your subconscious mind that highlights your thoughts, feelings, questions and beliefs. The way that you speak to yourself will determine how you feel about yourself and how you treat yourself. It will also determine how other people view you and treat you.

People who are confident in themselves and their abilities will have a good inner dialogue but people who look negatively towards themselves, and have little or no self-confidence will talk negatively to themselves.

This, in turn, will affect all areas of their lives from the jobs that they do, the relationships they have with family and friends and how they take care of their physical and mental well-being.

Why is positive self-talk important?

Many people will confuse positive self-talk with being boastful or big-headed but it is neither of these. Positive self-talk is crucial if you are to function in society. If you talk down to yourself, you can guarantee that this behaviour will be replicated towards you by other people. They will pick up on the feelings that you have toward yourself and will either consciously or subconsciously start to replicate them.

This will then bring about a vicious circle of you believing you are not worthy of good relationships because of the way people treat you and on and on it will go.

This attitude needs to stop NOW and you need to begin talking to yourself in a kind, loving and positive manner. Use language that you would use toward other people.

If you do this, you will see that your confidence will begin to flourish, and you will start to feel good about yourself. You will be more proactive in your life, you will push yourself far more and you will achieve greater and greater things.

Positive self-talk is essential if you are to lead a happy, rounded, fulfilled life. Positive self-talk will make you more optimistic and happy which has many health benefits such as;

• reduced stress

• reduced anxiety

• better immunity

• improved heart health

• improved physical and mental well-being

• increased vitality and satisfaction in life

How to practice positive self-talk

The mental chatter that you listen to will either be of benefit to you or will be harmful to you so you need to start really paying attention to your inner voice and what it is saying.

Start tuning in to what is happening inside of your mind.

Do you congratulate yourself on any success that you achieve? Do you constantly put yourself down and belittle yourself? Do you listen to what other people say about you and replay it over and over in your mind and start to believe it? Do you focus on your strengths and downplay any weaknesses?

Being aware of your inner dialogue means that you can start to make the necessary changes to your inner critic and begin a process of change to start talking in a positive and encouraging way to yourself.

15 Easy Tips for positive self-talk

1. Identify your negative self-talk

Listen to what you are saying and start to recognise the negative self-talk. What are the things that you say to yourself on a daily basis that you can class as negative self-talk? Examples such as;

• “I can’t”

• “I’m not good enough”

• “Nobody likes me”

• “I’m so stupid”

• “I’ll never be able to do that”

Once you have begun to identify your negative language you will then be in a position to start bringing about some changes to your inner voice.

2. Keep a written record of your self-talk

Start to write down how you speak to yourself. This way you will begin to notice triggers that can set off negative thinking. If you have had a disagreement with a work colleague, for example, this could be the spark for a whole conversation of negative chatter. Writing it down will help you to pinpoint causes and as a way to bring about change.

3. Become more mindful of your internal monologue

Become more mindful of what your chatter. We will spend most of our time in our default mode network, letting random thoughts flit across our minds.

Try to be more mindful of how you are using your mind. Really concentrate on the thoughts that you are having and start to bring more positive thoughts to mind and concentrate on them.

This way you will be able to start substituting the negative thoughts for positive ones.

4. Use meditation to slow down and recognise your thoughts

When your mind is racing it is very possible that you will be having negative thoughts. Start to slow down your thinking by using the power of meditation. This is a powerful way to begin to understand the thoughts that you are having in your head.

Sit quietly and let your thoughts appear in your mind and really process them. Don’t try to push them away, sit with them and really reflect on them. You will start to recognise recurring thoughts that aren’t serving you and you can then start to change those thoughts.

5. Write in a journal to gain greater insight into your thoughts

Journaling is a highly effective tool for bringing about change to your negative thinking. Whenever you find that you are thinking something negative, stop and jot it down in your journal, if you can’t carry a journal with you at all times record your thoughts on your phone.

This technique will help you to build up a record of your negative thoughts and will help you to recognise more easily the thoughts that aren’t serving you.

6. Programme yourself with positive affirmations

Start putting a new, positive dialogue into your mind by using positive affirmations. This is a simple yet effective way to get some positive thoughts in there. This tool uses the art of repetition to make your brain believe what you’re saying and so you will need to repeat your affirmations every day at least twice a day, morning and evening or are the best times. Try affirmations such as;

• “I am capable of achieving anything I want”

• “People like and respect me”

• “I have total belief in myself”

• “I can do this”

• “I am a valuable team member”

• “I am confident in myself and my abilities”

7. Believe in yourself

Believe in yourself, believe in your abilities and believe that you can succeed. You can be your biggest supporter if you use your mind in the right way. Start feeding it with thoughts of success, tell yourself before you start something that you can do it, that you have succeeded and that nothing can hold you back. Start making a commitment to yourself and believe that you can be and do anything that you want.

8. Develop a positive group of people around you

Look at the people in your inner circle. Are they the people who are going to be there for you? Are they going to help you or are they going to hinder you?

Having a positive group of people around you is going to help you to believe in yourself and will help your inner dialogue.

Your attitude will be influenced by those around you so if your inner circle is filled with negativity…..guess what, so will you.

Of course, it’s difficult to cut out family or work colleagues from your life but you can limit the time that you spend with them so they have less of an influence on you.

9. Be grateful

Have an attitude of gratitude in your life. Gratitude is a great way to find the positives in your life and to adopt positive self-talk.

The more that you focus on what is good in your life, the more it will replace negative self-talk. Treat yourself to a beautiful journal and start jotting down all the things that you can find in your life that make you feel grateful.

10. Stop comparing your life with other people

Get out of the habit of comparing your life with other people’s. When you focus on what is lacking in your life you can start on a downward spiral of negative self-talk. Nobody has a perfect life and you never know what is happening in another person’s life. What seems perfect to you could be far from perfect for them. Live your life and let other people live theirs and never compare the two.

11. Use the power of the “I am” statement

“I am useless”, “I am powerful”. Read those two statements and you will know instantly which one is going to make you feel good. The use of “ I am “ statements is incredibly powerful when eradicating negative self-talk. Start using the power of I AM in all of your thinking, “ I am strong”, “ I am capable”, “I am right for this job” “ I am valued”.

These two words are so important when using your inner dialogue, these two words can define who you are and what you are capable of, make sure that you use them in a positive way.

12. Talk to others in a positive way

The more you use positive language, the more you will think in a positive way. This means talking to other people using positive language.

Try not to moan, criticise or gossip. Think about what you are going to say and the effect it will have on other people as well as yourself.

Are you seen as the person that is always complaining or as the person who lifts people up?

Words of negation are always going to leave you feeling negative so start talking to those around you in a positive way and see positivity flourish in your life.

13. Avoid the tendency to catastrophise

Don’t look at every situation in life as a drama. People who have a tendency to catastrophise everything also appear more negative.

Constantly thinking that the worse is going to happen is going to leave your mind full of negative thoughts. Look to the future with optimism, after all, you never know what is going to happen why should you always look on the black side? Try and go through life with joy and enthusiasm and focus on the positives ahead.

14. Be accountable and don’t blame others

Cut out the blame game. It is up to you to decide what you think and feel not somebody else. It is all too easy to blame your behaviour on other people and make them accountable for what is wrong in your life but you need to be accountable to yourself and stop blaming others.

15. Seek professional help

If you are finding it difficult to make the switch in your mind replacing negative thoughts with positives then you could seek the help of a professional.

Life coaches and counsellors are trained to help you with the way that you think and can give you tools, advice support and accountability to start addressing the negative thinking that you are dealing with.

Many people find that they are more successful in bringing about change when they have someone that they can discuss their thoughts with.

Often it is having another person to talk with that can be the most beneficial part of the coaching process and knowing that they have no judgement towards you and want you to succeed.

Final Thoughts

To rewire your thoughts to make your inner dialogue positive will take some time and effort but it can be done. With practice, you can overturn years of negative self-talk into positive affirming chatter.

Try limiting how much time you spend on social media, cutting out listening to the news and reading newspapers as this will only fill your head with negativity. Make sure that you exercise and eat healthy, nutritious food. The more positives that you can put into your life the more positive your thoughts will be.

Use visualisation techniques to imagine a happy, positive fulfilling life full of your dreams and goals and study it often.

Remember you are the only person who has control of your mind and so whatever is in your mind, you have put there. If the thoughts that you have aren’t working for you then you need to find new thoughts and replace them.

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